Leather in the summer, silk in the winter...

Emotional being. Lover, not a fighter. Tattoos and sneakers and shit.

Tomorrow…

Happy hour tomorrow with my cousin I found online. My father, who decided he wasn’t interested when he learned of my existence, refused to even acknowledge that he had a daughter. So that entire side of my family just knew that there was some girl somewhere out there, but didn’t even know my name.

I found the nigga on LinkedIn… Ain’t that some shit….

Anyway, we talked once. Texted a lil bit. Meeting up tomorrow after work.

I’m fucking nervous. 😕

Flowers.

Youngin came over. Brought me breakfast and tree. Kicked it for a lil while.

I bought my mama flowers a few days ago, so they’re in a vase on the coffee table. We chilling and youngin says, “it smells like a funeral home in here.”

I paused. Took a moment to think.

“Nigga you mean it smells like flowers in here?”

We laugh, not totally for the same reasons.

It’s crazy that upbringing and environment make fresh cut flowers, roses and lilies, smell like a funeral to some people. I specifically buy my mama flowers so she can enjoy them, smell them, while she’s here. And that in itself is a lesson my mama taught me. When I was little she always took me to the cemetery to take flowers to her mother. Its tradition.

But youngin just smelled death.

#yougotmefuckedup

I have this one staff member. Likes to make herself seem important. Sickly syrupy sweet phony attitude.

I had to cut hours because this staff person told my supervisor that shit wasn’t right, and my field is social/human services, so our business is based on attendance. We’re supposed to maintain a certain staff to participant ratio to keep the money straight. My team has been technically over staffed quiet a bit, because I kept everyone on most days. As a courtesy to my staff.

So hours are cut for everyone now, some get more days on schedule than others, and shawty came up a little short. So she’s mad now. Which I understand, ya know.

So we’re in this meeting and she’s talking shit, trying to make me look bad, and the whole time I’m internally shaking my head, trying to keep my face from acting up. Because I’m thinking…

BITCH I SEEN YOUR RESUME AND YOUR TOPLESS SELFIES AND I AM NOT IMPRESSED!! I seen all the pictures of your funny looking family and your pale tits in the mirror. I saw your ugly ass girlfriend, looking like Uncle Charles with an s-curl. I seen the pics of the sons you owe child support for while you’re raising another bitch’s child. I saw that your previous job was “nanny” and your “supervisor” was your girlfriend, whose name is tattooed on you! I seen your background check, your DUI, your child support garnishment, your email…

And I know my face is telling on me because I’m like…

#yougotmefuckedup

But I kept my mouth shut tho. And that bitch hours still cut.

Thursday.

Thursday.

I have had several instances of accidental socializing recently. Just since Friday I’ve seen a friend from college, gone on a random roadtrip with coworkers, a girl from high school, and some real random conversation with an old church buddy. Easter vigil mass accounts for 2 of these, but the rest, idk.

It is my intention to have a semblance of a social life in 2013. Guess this is good…? Idk

moment of self pity

I don’t like the way I feel. 90 day countdown. June 1, 2013 I will prioritize myself. If you can’t be selfish in your 20’s, when else can you?

Now let’s hope I can make it to June without self destruction…